A Nobody

9 Jul

For the past year or so I have been working through some of the lies I believe, trying to get to my core lie.  The lie that drives me to  pursuing idols.  The lie that drives me to seek control.  The lie that sends me into self-pity – running from God and those who love me.

You are inadequate.  

This lie enters my heart daily.  You are forgettable.
You’re a nobody.
You are not good enough.
You have no special gifts or talents.
You should be doing more. more. more…

We were at a church function several weeks ago.  A woman introduced herself to me for the third or fourth time.  She remembered my children, my husband, but not me.  This is okay.  I forget people’s names occasionally.  I forget where they live, what they do, what they like to eat.  We aren’t supposed to remember everyone or everything about everyone.  So she forgot meeting me.  Big deal.  But then the lie enters my heart.  You are not memorable.  

This lie brings me to trying to create a name for myself.  An identity worth remembering.  I don’t even realize I do it.  I tell myself I don’t want to be Supermom and, yet, deep down I do.  I want to make pretty things, cook tasty food, keep my family healthy, look pretty, have a lovely home.  I want to be known as this person.  I pursue an identity. I do this all the time and don’t even realize it.  I don’t see how the things I do and the idols I pursue stem from the lies I believe. It’s exhausting.

I’ve been working on healing this lie with truth.  You are somebody.  Your a daughter of God, a wife, a mom, a granddaughter, niece, daughter-in-law, sister-in-law, auntie, and friend.

And yet, this isn’t Truth that heals my brokenness.   There is freedom in being a nobody.  I want that freedom.  Striving to be a somebody has left me weary, drained, and ragged. Again, there is freedom in being a nobody.  How?  I am free to be a nobody because He is The Somebody.

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